starchilde_lost: (comic: i dont know about this)
[personal profile] starchilde_lost
[Dated June 17, 2011]

She should be going back. She knew there were people worried about her. But she couldn't. Going back would be like... admitting defeat. Admitting that she really was absolutely powerless here, powerless to keep her family safe, powerless to keep them together. Her entire life, all she ever wanted was to have her family whole and alive, together and happy. But she'd lost them, over and over. To the Sentinels, to the soldiers, to the Shi'ar assassins, to misguided mutants trying to make a point and absolutely failing. Leaving her alone.

Adding another stick to her campfire, she checked her meager food supplies. She'd done some hunting, some fishing, but she was running low and that meant she either had to go back or sneak in and pick up some supplies. Which, considering the number of professional thieves, ninjas and ne'er-do-wells she'd grown up with shouldn't be too hard. It would probably be a good idea to pick up some medical supplies, too. Apparently, some dinosaurs took it personally when you raided their lairs for eggs and while she only had a few scrapes and bruises so far, and moderately-nasty cut on her arm, she knew it was probably only a matter of time before something got lucky and took a bite out of her.

She really should be going back.

But instead she pushed the thought away and poked at the fire, adjusting the coals nearer to the stick she'd used to split her dinner on. It was just a lizard she'd caught, but it would be done soon, she'd eat, maybe indulge herself in a late-night swim before trying to sleep again. It was hard, the nightmares had come back, waking her on the edge of screaming, hunting her with the images of her failures. Watching the flickering firelight in the darkness, she slowly realized that she hadn't been this close to completely un-hinged since right after her grandparents had been murdered. No wonder she was more comfortable out in the wilderness, where she didn't run the risk of seeing anyone else get hurt, where she could tell herself that she wasn't there. That she couldn't do anything. She could let herself off the hook.

She could be a coward.

She kicked the fire, sending coals scattering into the darkness as she started to cry. Why was this always so hard?

Date: 2011-06-12 11:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
It was easy to track Rachel, once he'd decided to do so. He had a hunting dog who knew her scent for a start and once Zero led him close him enough, he could follow the fire.

After a moments thought he tied his wolfhound to a tree a decent way back and approached the camp alone.

A telepath without their powers could be easy to sneak up on, even for a man unaccustomed to stealth, especially one as distracted as Rachel was just then, but he made no attempt at all to disguise his presence or silence his footsteps.

He walked straight into her camp, sat down opposite her and addressed her like they were sitting around a kitchen table. It was the only way he knew to make things right, by pretending that they already were with enough force that the universe had to comply.

"Hello, little sister. I must say, you've looked better."

Date: 2011-06-13 08:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
"I can imagine."

The message she'd left had specifically told him not to go looking for her, but frankly, if she'd thought he would listen to that, she didn't know him at all.

He ignored the red eyes and other telltale clues that she'd been crying and spoke to her casually as if everything was okay.

"I brought some food," he told her with a guesture to the bag he carried. "And some news."

"No bandages, though."

He hadn't thought to.

Date: 2011-06-14 02:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
Cable thought of lots of replies to that, some sympathetic, some harsh. About whether she would be interested if he was bringing news about another death or disappearance or it was only Jean she cared about, about what Jean would think of this if she had actually returned, about how he understood what she was doing and he wasn't angry but it wouldn't work, but he kept them all to himself. None of them seemed right and he was tired, truly, of trying to talk the world into being something it wasn't. He had been tired of it back home, when at least he'd had a purpose and at least it had been occasionally fun to manipulate and threaten the worlds leaders into following his ideas.

Here? All he seemed to do was try and talk people who were drowning into keeping their head above water and he had no hope of dry land to offer them. It made him so weary.

So he didn't say anything, he just watched her scramble through the bag, looking at what he'd brought her: the salted fish and meat, the bread, the drinks, anything he could find that would last and could be eaten either cold or after being heated up over an open flame.

"You're being stupid," he said when he did finally speak. There was no faux-casualness in his voice, no false confidence, not even the gravitas and charisma he normally put into every word; he'd dropped the never ending attempt to act like he had all the answers entirely. Instead he sounded as tired as he was blunt, like a man not a leader.

But then, dropping the manipulation was a form of manipulation itself, of course.

Date: 2011-06-16 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
Cable could sympathise with that, he really could.

"You've been crying," he said slowly. "Out here, alone. You've still been crying, Rachel."

"This isn't finding a peace, this isn't even finding oblivion. This is just you, out here, alone with your thoughts and bleeding from the arm. There's better ways to hide from yourself than this."

Meditation, repression, throwing youself into new tasks, looking forward instead: he was an expert at ways of hiding from himself. And he could do it without depriving himself of showers and good food. He didn't want to force Rachel to deal with anything she couldn't cope with, he just wanted her back where he could keep an eye on her.

Date: 2011-06-17 11:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
That he could understand, too. He didn't rage or cry at least partly because he needed to keep up appearances. He refused to let anyone see him break, see him as anything less than super human. The temptation to get away from everyone and let the mask slip was one that terrified him but one he was familiar with.

"I promise that if I catch you crying or screaming," he told her, "I won't react at all. I'm notorious for my lack of compassion."

As attempts to lighten the mood go, it was pretty weak but it was sincere too. If she needed to fall apart, he would be happy to turn a blind eye to it, if would only she do it back at his hut.

Date: 2011-06-18 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
"Yes," Cable confirmed.

It wasn't that he hadn't contemplated failure, rarely for him, the bag he'd brought was proof of that but he was stubborn and he valued ends over means. There weren't many things he wasn't prepared to say if he thought it would work and he was happy to try them all, one after another, if that's what it took.

And, of course, if Rachel thought the outcome was already set, that no matter what she said he wouldn't go away, she was half way to agreeing with him already. He'd learned that trick a long time ago. Tell someone to follow you and they'll probably say no but tell them that they will follow you and it's a lot easier.

Date: 2011-06-18 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
She had asked him not to watch her, but it was difficult not to try and study her reaction to this.

"A new arrival. Thought you should know," he told her. "You're not going to like it."

"Madelyne Pryor's here."

Date: 2011-06-19 05:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
"Yes," Cable confirmed. "From when she was still married to Scott."

That statement stood by itself, he figured, so he didn't add to it.

"You would be welcome to stay with me," he said instead. He wasn't going to ask her to stay in the hut she'd shared with Jean, of course.

Date: 2011-06-19 07:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
"She could," Cable agreed.

Again, he figured that statement didn't need explanation so he offered none.

He wanted her to make the next move.

Date: 2011-06-19 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
"Sure," Cable agreed as he took a decent ammount of the lizard and started eating it.

He was used to worse food that this, both of them were. And he knew a little about this sort of conflict, and all conversations were, in the end, some sort of conflict to him. If they wanted to wait you out, then you waited longer, simple as that.

Date: 2011-06-19 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
"Thank you," he replied, with a guesture of his head. And he didn't say anything more until all the food she'd given him was gone.

"You ready to come now?"

Date: 2011-06-20 10:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mutant-gi-jesus.livejournal.com
"I'm willing to wait if you have anything you need to do first," he replied.

Profile

starchilde_lost: (Default)
Rachel Grey

June 2014

S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
2223 2425262728
2930     

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 20th, 2017 02:08 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios