we can never flee the misery that is within us. [Bones]

[starchilde_lost]

She's not there to apologize. At least that's what she tells herself the entire time she's walking to his hut, arm aching where the she'd been cut and not looking forward to the visit at all. But she needed a doctor to look at her arm and she didn't feel like she could set foot in the clinic yet. And she had to admit, she wanted him to know that she was back. She figured he might have been worried.

But she's not going to apologize. If anything he should, for what he said, for acting like she was crazy to hold onto any hope, any hope at all that her mother was still there. He'd been an asshole and a jerk and she got pissed off all over again just thinking about it.

Kicking a stone off the boardwalk she takes a deep breath to try and calm herself. Emotionally, she's still on a roller-coaster, not knowing from one moment to another how she's going to feel or how it's going to affect her and she knows that's a bad way to be when visiting people, but she doesn't feel like she has a choice.

Her arm hurts and she's not going to apologize.

But when she knocks on his door, there's no one there. Walking around, she tries to look inside, calling his name before remembering - there was some shindig tonight, some casino something or other that she'd seen posters for before... before her little vacation. Figures. Sitting on the front step, she waits, knowing he has to come back sooner or later.

Comments

[starchilde_lost]

"I wanted my... friend. Someone who was as worried as I was to help me, even if we didn't... we didn't..."

She got up suddenly, moving away before rounding back. "I would have rather'd dragged your drunk ass around then to... do that alone you... you... jerk."

She crossed her arms, glaring. "And you're no worse than Logan so suck it up. Hell, he stabbed me in the chest once and I put up with that." Well, she'd run away and ended up in the Mojo'verse, but she'd still forgiven him.

[leftwithmybones]

McCoy scowls slightly, but she has a point. He hasn't exactly been a great pal to be around and even Jessica seems to be mildly tolerating him lately at work. He's no peach, but he's been worse, these days. "So what, what do you want me to do? Scour the island for a ghost? She's not here!"

[starchilde_lost]

"I wanted you to be with me. Humor me. Be a friend." She threw up her hands, feeling the tears in the corners of her eyes and not caring. "Or maybe, just for once in your miserable life, have a little hope that maybe you could be wrong!"

[leftwithmybones]

"I'm older than you, kid. And when you get to be my age and things don't tend to turn out very well, you start to look at the negative side. I mean, hell, months before I got here, the whole damn universe nearly got turned into a black hole because one man lost his wife and child. I'm not good at looking on the bright side, but I am sorry," he gets out, struggling to make an apology for something he's not sure he's entirely sorry about. "I should've tried harder, at least for you."

[starchilde_lost]

Rubbing at her eyes, she kicks the chair she was just sitting in in frustration. He thinks the universe almost ending was huge, hell, that was just another day back home. Call it the usual Wednesday gig.

Taking a deep breath, she looks up at the ceiling. "Just once, I wanted it to be something simple. For it to not be my family being killed, kidnapped, crazy-cloned, lost in another timeline, lost in the future... just once. I wanted good for more than a few months at a time."

[leftwithmybones]

"I know it's hard. Trust me, I know," McCoy points out, considering that he doesn't know the next time he'll be good again or the next time he'll get through the day without the aid of a drink. "There's still other stuff to focus on." For him, he's got Jessica still, Rogue's case, and his vaccines and drugs.

[starchilde_lost]

"Like what, the damn tides?"

She sighs, running a hand through her hair in frustration. She feels so useless, so damn useless all the time now, like she hasn't any focus. That was one thing being attacked every other week did, it gave her something to do.

"Sorry, m'just.. I should go."

[leftwithmybones]

McCoy sits back and rests his hands in his lap, gesturing to her wound with his chin. "Keep that wrapped. It's sutured up and it's safe, but the last thing you need is an infection because you're letting all kinds of dirt and crap get in there. Any other problems with it, and you come back to see me. Got it?"

[starchilde_lost]

"Sure." Rachel looks down at her arm, reaching with a finger to trace the edge of the wound. She still doesn't feel anything, but she imagines that will change and she sighs. Oh, well, at least it means she's alive, right?

Hand on the door she pauses, torn between leaving and staying. Although why she'd stay with the way things are going... Instead, she picks a third option, heading back in the room, right up to the Doctor and throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

He might not need one, but she sure as hell does.

[leftwithmybones]

McCoy's been on the receiving end of enough hugs to know how he's supposed to do this. He shifts to welcome her in closer, a hand on her hair as he pulls her in, swaying gently side to side, the way that Jo always liked her hugs to go. "Thanks," he murmurs softly. "I think I needed that."

[starchilde_lost]

"All I wanted..." She's not ashamed of the tears that fall, because they're honest. All she wanted was someone to be there, hold her, not even tell her everything was going to be okay, just acknowledge how hard this all was, how alone it makes them feel.

She needs a father.

[leftwithmybones]

"Was...?" He feels awkward about prodding. Hell, he's not sure he'd want to be asked if the tables were reversed, but he can't help himself. It's a damn leading statement and the question is out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

[starchilde_lost]

"...this." She can't even begin to articulate what she needed that horrible day, but a hug from someone who feels as awful about it as she does would have been a start. She doesn't have a father here. She doesn't have her uncle, or her best friend. She has her brother, a few friends, but this... at this moment, is the best thing.

She can almost believe what she says about having hope like this.

[leftwithmybones]

McCoy sighs and cleans up his hands before reaching out to give her a light tap at the shoulder. "Come on, come inside, come to the kitchen and we'll have some sandwiches while you tell me about what you found out there. You can even entertain the cat."

[starchilde_lost]

She gives a slight smile, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes as she nods, following. She can handle a little time with a cat and its owner, maybe it will be good for both of them.