008* Video/Audio

[starchilde_lost]

[It's dark, somewhere in the Underground, but there's not enough background showing to make ID'ing a location possible. For just a moment, a bruised face appears and then a filter obscures the post.]

[Filtered to Self//Hackable]

[Her eyes are red, there are dark circles under them, and her face is bruised. It's obvious she's had a rough night, and possibly a rougher day, although perhaps not as rough as some.]

OK, I'm taping this so I can remember, maybe the next time... here ya gotta plan for the next time, right?

[She winces when she laughs, like her ribs are bruised or worse.]

Funny thing is, no one's gonna blame me - they'll say it was a curse, but they don't get it.
That was me. Once upon a time, that was me. I hunted, I betrayed, and in that place and time, I'd probably end up doing it again.

That was me. And obviously, it could be again. Layla - I thought I killed her. And Kara, I'm still not sure what I did to her. I'm dangerous - these curses? What if the next one gives me back the power of the Phoenix, but takes away my ability to control it?
I could destroy the City.

[A bloodied hand reaches out and kills the video feed.]
[//Filter]

[Audio Only//Filtered to Tony Stark//Unhackable]

Stark? I hope you're getting this from this far down underground...I...you're on the Police Force here, right? I think I need to turn myself in., or however that works here in the city.

I...oh, hell - you saw Layla, or heard her or...and...she's not dead, but she could have...And it wasn't just her...I don't know.

Are you there?

[//Filtered]

Comments

[Private/Unhackable]

[morethanasuit.livejournal.com]

I can hear you.

If you think that's necessary, then we can arrange that. We won't prosecute you for something you did while cursed but if you feel you need to do this then we can arrange something.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[starchilde_lost]

...you don't? Even if it's something that can happen again?

Layla's OK, right? I mean I saw her post, but...

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[morethanasuit.livejournal.com]

Rachel, any of us could be cursed to do something horrible at any time. Just because some people are stronger than others doesn't mean they get prosecuted while others didn't. If you feel like you need some sort of penance though, I'm sure we can find some community service for you to do.

She's fine. Logan got her to the hospital and I made sure a healer saw her and got her all fixed up. Right now she's just worried about how you're doing.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[starchilde_lost]

For once this City sounds more reasonable than home. Go figure.

...I'll be fine. I've been hurt worse.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[morethanasuit.livejournal.com]

"I've been hurt worse" doesn't mean you're fine. I just means you've been worse. Seeing as how you've probably almost died before, that doesn't inspire me with a lot of confidence.

Just don't stay down there too long, okay? I know you probably need to feel guilty about this so that it feels like you've paid for what you did, but most likely it will just make you feel worse and worse.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[starchilde_lost]

There will never be enough water to wash the blood I have on my hands - what happened here? That was nothing compared to what the real thing was like.

I'll come up when I'm ready.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[morethanasuit.livejournal.com]

I know about blood on your hands, believe me I know.

And I also know that the only thing that makes you feel remotely better is trying to do good things to make up for it, not hating yourself.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[starchilde_lost]

Trust me, I'm sure once he finds me Logan will kick my ass back into some semblance or normalcy - he's good like that.

...just not yet.

Re: [Private/Unhackable]

[morethanasuit.livejournal.com]

Alright, just don't take too long.

voice;

[twodogsfighting.livejournal.com]

Rachel.

Re: voice;

[starchilde_lost]

Oh, God, Logan - I...I couldn't stop.
What if this happens again?

voice;

[twodogsfighting.livejournal.com]

I ain't gonna let it happen again. It was my fault for not bein' there.

Re: voice;

[starchilde_lost]

That isn't your fault. I'm just...dangerous. We all are, especially in this place and...

voice;

[twodogsfighting.livejournal.com]

Bein' afraid of yourself isn't a solution.

C'mon back home. You need to eat somethin'.

Re: voice;

[starchilde_lost]

I can't. I still have the marks on my face - I don't want anyone to see me like this, not if I can help it.

...I need to find Kara. I know Layla's OK - Stark told me and I saw her post, but Logan, I think I did something awful to Kara and until I know she's going to be OK...

voice;

[twodogsfighting.livejournal.com]

You're not like that any more Rachel, an' everybody knows it.

An' you can't find your friend and hide in the dark at the same time.

Re: voice;

[starchilde_lost]

I'm not looking for her physical body, Logan - I'm searching for her mind. It's quiet here and I...

voice;

[twodogsfighting.livejournal.com]

She might be lockin' you out. You're tired, if you can't find her it doesn't mean she ain't there.

Re: voice;

[starchilde_lost]

I don't think she knows how to do that. Even with the drug-reduced powers I had...God, it was like...nothing to enter her mind.

I know she's here somewhere, and if I don't find her by tomorrow...

Just keep an eye out, OK? I'll be fine - here - for now. I just can't be around anyone.

voice;

[twodogsfighting.livejournal.com]

Alright. But if you're not back by tomorrow I'm comin' lookin' for you. No argument.

Re: voice;

[starchilde_lost]

I...fine. I'll be back tomorrow.

voice;

[twodogsfighting.livejournal.com]

Good.

private, voice;

[alittlecredit.livejournal.com]

Where the heck are you, Rachel? I go on a three-day bender and everyone else's lives go to hell.

Re: private, voice;

[starchilde_lost]

...I'm in the Underground. I don't, I can't be around anyone right now.

Damn curse, turned me back into a Hound, Ric and I hurt people - Christ, I put Layla in the hospital.

private, voice;

[alittlecredit.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that. And it would explain why I hear Layla is in the hospital.

But I mean, if you ever need to talk?

Re: private, voice;

[starchilde_lost]

Yep. That was me. All me.

But hey, look at the bright side, apparently the City doesn't prosecute the cursed.

God, I'm a mess.

private, voice;

[alittlecredit.livejournal.com]

Even if they tried, Jamie and I wouldn't let them prosecute you. You had no control over what you did. Not now and not ever.

You're allowed to be a mess, Rach. It's your god-given right under these circumstances.

Re: private, voice;

[starchilde_lost]

I did once, though, Ric. I had a choice and I gave up. I let Ahab make me into that...The fact that I eventually pushed back doesn't change that fact.

Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

Rachel, when you're ready you can talk to me. Just know geez I suck at this it wasn't your fault. No matter what things were like at other times, who you were, this time it wasn't you. I've done my share of bad things I'm sure you've had it worse but with who we are what we are, we've all done horrible things.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

...I betrayed everything I was, everything I try to be. What you saw? That was a taste, Layla. A sample.

I am so terribly sorry.

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

If you really want to wallow in the awful things you did and how you've done so much worse then be my guest. But by doing that all you're doing is staying in the past. I know it's easy for someone to talk about things, I don't profess to know everything about your past, but I do know things. A lot of things. Dwelling in the past only creates problems for the future.

But what you do is your choice. There are two paths you could take right now and hundreds more to come. You'll choose the right one in time.

I know you're sorry. I am too, I should have known it was coming.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

...most of my paths are dark, Layla. They always have been. And the more people that walk with me, the more people I hurt.

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

If you think that way then it will be. Self-fulfilling prophecy. I can't tell you for sure how your life will turn out or what choices you should make for the best outcome. But I can tell you there are good things that will happen. I can also tell you the less people that walk with you the more likely the dark paths will be the only ones open.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

I'll take any outcome - any that doesn't leave me hurting my friends.

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

Things work out. Hey and it's not like sometime down the road when you forget to buy me a Christmas gift or something I'm going to go "hey but what about the time you beat me up? You owe me a iphone." See positives? I mean I guess I'm your friend, I kind of assumed there that I was include in the "hurting my friends" but everyone knows what assuming does.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

You are my friend, and I still hurt you...even if you don't blame me.

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

You did physically and I don't blame you. At least physical wounds are easier to get over than emotional ones.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

...like what I did to Kara. I think.

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

I wasn't talking about you giving anyone emotional wounds. There are plenty of people here and back home who do a great job of doing that without psychic powers or any help.

Anyway if you gave this Kara emotional wounds it's a pretty safe bet to say they were already there and you just re-opened them. Which would happen eventually and will happen again to her.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

...was that supposed to be reassuring?

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

Sort of. I've learned that I'm not very good at it.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

Right. Hadn't noticed.

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

Geez I'm sorry. You're a good person Rachel. That's what matters. No arguing, I know stuff.

Re: Private;

[starchilde_lost]

I'll have to take your word for it, 'cause from where I sit, I'm pretty lousy right about now.

Re: Private;

[i-know-stuff.livejournal.com]

I can't help then. I think you're a good person with a lot of power who has made bad choices and has since atoned for them. Searching for eternal atonement will get you no where.