papa don't preach
Dec. 19th, 2012 12:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starchilde_lostRachel didn't think she'd ever been so happy to have the flu in her life. Because it was the flu, hitting her hard after a week - almost two - of teasing with exhaustion and intermittent nausea, worrying enough to have her heading out to a drugstore for a pregnancy test. A test that had failed spectacularly, according to the test she'd had done later at the clinic which told her, definitively, that she was not pregnant. Nope, not in the least, despite the evil colored stick she'd ended up with at home. If there were an actual manufacturer she could sue for emotional stress, she might have done it, even in this ghost version of New York. False positive her ass, more like false nightmare-inducing panic attack.
But here she was, a couple days later, curled up on her couch with a heating pad, a mug of chamomile-ginger-something tea, and a remote control, flipping across TV channels while working her way through a third box of Kleenex. The apartment was a mess, there were take-out boxes everywhere, her entire body felt like it was in revolt, but for the moment, she was glad for it.
Because there was no way in hell she was ready to have that conversation with her boyfriend. Not now, and not ever.
But here she was, a couple days later, curled up on her couch with a heating pad, a mug of chamomile-ginger-something tea, and a remote control, flipping across TV channels while working her way through a third box of Kleenex. The apartment was a mess, there were take-out boxes everywhere, her entire body felt like it was in revolt, but for the moment, she was glad for it.
Because there was no way in hell she was ready to have that conversation with her boyfriend. Not now, and not ever.
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Date: 2012-12-23 03:59 am (UTC)Reaching for the tissues she blew her nose, still struggling for the words. "Family isn't something I can just... do."
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Date: 2012-12-23 05:03 am (UTC)Not that it didn't hurt or disappoint him a little. If she had wanted a family it would have been so easy to agree with that choice and not think about it. He did need to think about it though, even though the ultimate answer would probably be that it was a bad idea to have a family here.
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Date: 2012-12-23 06:00 am (UTC)Tossing the used tissue in the nearby basket, she fell silent, not really knowing what happened next. It was a conversation she hadn't wanted to have, she was really hoping he'd just chalk everything up to the flu she had so she could pretend this had never happened.
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Date: 2012-12-24 06:07 pm (UTC)It was. He knew that it was even if he didn't want to really believe it. This was something he needed to face and admit to whether he wanted to or not.
"You just rest and let me hold your hair back if you start to puke."
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Date: 2012-12-26 06:47 am (UTC)"Pretty sure the puking part's over, but then I haven't been eating much today so..."
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Date: 2012-12-27 06:56 am (UTC)"Drinking. Roller coasters. Smoke cigars. Paint a room. All the things you shouldn't do when pregnant."
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Date: 2012-12-27 08:41 am (UTC)And she was terrified that he'd either bury that for her sake and end up resenting her for it, or leave her because of it. Neither option made her happy. But denial and repression were part of her genes so she pushed it away.
"Where the hell are you going to find a roller coaster on the island, McCollin?"
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Date: 2012-12-29 12:04 am (UTC)"But I think you at least deserve a day at the spa and a night out with your boyfriend that isn't about a dead body, drunkenness, or talks you'd rather not have."
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