papa don't preach
Dec. 19th, 2012 12:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starchilde_lostRachel didn't think she'd ever been so happy to have the flu in her life. Because it was the flu, hitting her hard after a week - almost two - of teasing with exhaustion and intermittent nausea, worrying enough to have her heading out to a drugstore for a pregnancy test. A test that had failed spectacularly, according to the test she'd had done later at the clinic which told her, definitively, that she was not pregnant. Nope, not in the least, despite the evil colored stick she'd ended up with at home. If there were an actual manufacturer she could sue for emotional stress, she might have done it, even in this ghost version of New York. False positive her ass, more like false nightmare-inducing panic attack.
But here she was, a couple days later, curled up on her couch with a heating pad, a mug of chamomile-ginger-something tea, and a remote control, flipping across TV channels while working her way through a third box of Kleenex. The apartment was a mess, there were take-out boxes everywhere, her entire body felt like it was in revolt, but for the moment, she was glad for it.
Because there was no way in hell she was ready to have that conversation with her boyfriend. Not now, and not ever.
But here she was, a couple days later, curled up on her couch with a heating pad, a mug of chamomile-ginger-something tea, and a remote control, flipping across TV channels while working her way through a third box of Kleenex. The apartment was a mess, there were take-out boxes everywhere, her entire body felt like it was in revolt, but for the moment, she was glad for it.
Because there was no way in hell she was ready to have that conversation with her boyfriend. Not now, and not ever.
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Date: 2012-12-20 12:59 am (UTC)So he was stopping by with tea, soup, and a few books that he thought she might like. He knocked softly on the door to her place, not wanting to wake her if she was sleeping. If she was, he'd just come back later.
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Date: 2012-12-20 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-20 04:09 am (UTC)"Tea and soup?" he asked, shutting the door behind him. "And... maybe a bit of housecleaning."
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Date: 2012-12-20 04:34 am (UTC)"You're wonderful. You didn't have to, but you're wonderful for doing it anyway." She managed to sit up and clap a bit, smiling even though she knew she probably looked like shit after being sick for the least few days.
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Date: 2012-12-20 05:49 am (UTC)"You rest, I'll clean up a bit," he added, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of her head.
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Date: 2012-12-20 06:27 am (UTC)"You should probably wear a hazmat suit, I've got a bug of some kind."
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Date: 2012-12-20 06:49 am (UTC)He started cleaning up the carry out mostly and sort any laundry into a pile in the bedroom. It really wasn't all that bad, it was mostly just all spread out. Aidan was tossing a few things away in the bathroom trash when he saw it in there. He hadn't been snooping or looking for anything, but there it was on the top of the trash and he couldn't miss it, the small stick with a little plus sign.
Hands shaking he picked it up and just stared at it for a moment. A positive pregnancy test. He reminded himself that it was possibly not Rachel's. They were careful and he was taking the island birth control. She had been feeling pretty awful though and birth control was never 100% effective.
He continued to stare at it, trying not to think about the possibilities but failing completely. It could mean a family, or it could mean nothing at all. But a family again, his own family with a partner...
Slowly, he walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room, staring at the pregnancy test. He had to know.
"Rachel?"
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Date: 2012-12-20 07:02 am (UTC)Until Aidan came back and all the good feeling went away when she saw what he had in his hand. Swearing in three different languages, Rachel pressed her forehead into her hand. She should have taken out the trash herself. She knew better, but she'd been tired and coming down, and now she was going to have to have the conversation she thought she'd dodged.
"It's wrong. I went to the clinic, I'm not pregnant. I swear."
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Date: 2012-12-20 07:14 am (UTC)Aidan felt himself deflate, tension he didn't even realize he was holding relax out of his muscles. It was a false-positive, no pregnancy. No family, at least for right now. Aidan had to admit that a part of him, a large part, was disappointed. While having a child was definitely something they should plan for, if they ever got to that point, he wouldn't have been unhappy with a surprise one.
"That's... good."
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Date: 2012-12-20 07:19 am (UTC)"You don't sound like that's good. Do you... do you want kids?"
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Date: 2012-12-20 07:23 am (UTC)He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment to think. Did he want kids?
Aidan did. He wanted to have kids and a family again, but he couldn't always separate the pure motives from the selfish, messed up ones. Times with his family, with children, were easily the best times of his life. Even on the island with Martha and Alfie had been all but blissful. Also, family meant humanity to him, a way for him to hold on to that.
"I... had a family the first time I was human. I've always liked kids and a part of me, a large part of me, wants to have kids again. In the right situation and circumstances."
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Date: 2012-12-20 07:29 am (UTC)But she couldn't push this away. She couldn't forget it, or pretend she wasn't hearing it, because she was. And she didn't know how to break it to him that the last thing she EVER wanted to do on this island was bring a kind into it.
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Date: 2012-12-20 07:39 am (UTC)"But that doesn't mean I should. Or that it's the right thing to do."
THAT was a hard truth to admit. What kind of father would he be? He want even very good at being human. "I take it you don't want children?"
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Date: 2012-12-21 03:13 am (UTC)The hell of it was, she thought Aidan would make a great father. He was patient, nurturing, protective, just about everything her own father hat been. She was the broken link in that equation. Pulling her arms off the back of the sofa she played with the blanket covering her legs. "I won't have kinds where it's guaranteed that one or both parents are going to disappear. I get why people-" Like Aidan. "-would want to try, but I'm not that person. And... I never will be."
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Date: 2012-12-21 04:08 am (UTC)"I understand," he finally said. "And you're probably right. It would be... selfish to plan for it. Maybe that's why in some ways an accident or an... adoption seems ideal."
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Date: 2012-12-22 06:17 am (UTC)But how did she say that to Aidan when he had that look on his face? "Yeah, I... I guess." She was a wimp.
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Date: 2012-12-22 07:18 am (UTC)"And that's fine. I can respect that," he promised her. Aidan wouldn't push her to change her mind or hold it over her head. He knew that deep down, it was the right choice to make.
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Date: 2012-12-23 03:59 am (UTC)Reaching for the tissues she blew her nose, still struggling for the words. "Family isn't something I can just... do."
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Date: 2012-12-23 05:03 am (UTC)Not that it didn't hurt or disappoint him a little. If she had wanted a family it would have been so easy to agree with that choice and not think about it. He did need to think about it though, even though the ultimate answer would probably be that it was a bad idea to have a family here.
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Date: 2012-12-23 06:00 am (UTC)Tossing the used tissue in the nearby basket, she fell silent, not really knowing what happened next. It was a conversation she hadn't wanted to have, she was really hoping he'd just chalk everything up to the flu she had so she could pretend this had never happened.
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Date: 2012-12-24 06:07 pm (UTC)It was. He knew that it was even if he didn't want to really believe it. This was something he needed to face and admit to whether he wanted to or not.
"You just rest and let me hold your hair back if you start to puke."
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Date: 2012-12-26 06:47 am (UTC)"Pretty sure the puking part's over, but then I haven't been eating much today so..."
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Date: 2012-12-27 06:56 am (UTC)"Drinking. Roller coasters. Smoke cigars. Paint a room. All the things you shouldn't do when pregnant."
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Date: 2012-12-27 08:41 am (UTC)And she was terrified that he'd either bury that for her sake and end up resenting her for it, or leave her because of it. Neither option made her happy. But denial and repression were part of her genes so she pushed it away.
"Where the hell are you going to find a roller coaster on the island, McCollin?"
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Date: 2012-12-29 12:04 am (UTC)"But I think you at least deserve a day at the spa and a night out with your boyfriend that isn't about a dead body, drunkenness, or talks you'd rather not have."
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