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[starchilde_lost]

Rachel was irritated. She knew it was for the most ridiculous reason, but knowing didn't change it as she left the Catscratch. It was late she guessed, but the club hadn't closed yet so she figured it wasn't too late to go see the guy she was irritated with. Not that she was irritated AT him, exactly, more irritated about him, but regardless, after a few drinks, this was the move that somehow made the most sense.

She thought she might regret it later. But what the hell.

After a little while she had to stop to slide the heels she'd been wearing off her feet. They looked great, but weren't made for walking distances and she was unsteady enough as it was. Still the walk was enough to sober her up (a little) and drive her irritation deeper.

How dare he complicate her life like this? Really.

Finding the window that was closest to his room (she was assuming he was in and in bed... she hoped) she reached up to knock on it with her show. And in sheer brilliance, she called out, probably not as softly as she should have been, "Aidan! See, I'm knocking! KNOCKING! Not breaking in, KNOCKING! Let me in!"

Comments

[starchilde_lost]

"Yes! Because I shouldn't be. Because it means I'm... getting attached and having feelings and those feelings aren't what I want, Aidan, because they always hurt me in the end." Taking a breath, she realized she was saying way, way, too much but now that she'd started, she didn't know how to stop.

"You can hurt me now because I care. I don't want to, I shouldn't, but I do and I think I hate you for it a little, because I was lonely before but I wonder if lonely isn't better than being afraid of how long it is before you're gone, or dead, or whatever it is that fate's going to hit me with next."

[likesthestooges]

Aidan had seen a lot of loss in his life. He'd dealt with a lot of it too, so he understood where she was coming from. No matter how often you lost people, that never made losing the next one any easier. Not forming attachments may save you from that heartache, but it slowly ate away at your humanity. In the end, you didn't hurt from the loss, but you weren't a person anymore.


He knew that this sort of thing was fleeting, just like she feared, but that meant you had to seize it, not run away from it. You might not ever get another chance.

"Rachel," he said, stepping closer. "Lonely is never better."

Just to prove it to her, he pulled her close and kissed her.

[starchilde_lost]

She didn't know what she expected. Maybe she thought he'd be upset with her, God only knew she probably deserved it with the way she'd been treating him. Keeping him at arm's length, showing up here in the middle of the night, she'd been horrible to him. But when he pulled her close, she gave up. Gave in.

When he kissed her, she always let herself go, stopped being worried or scared and just lost herself in him. Now wasn't any different and maybe that was part of why she was there. Despite it all she cared and being with him was the only time she wasn't terrified of it. Her arms wound around him, holding him tight and she made a sound that was equal parts sob and moan.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan didn't kiss her long, instead he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. He knew this sort of display of emotion wasn't the sort of thing that she liked to fall into and would possibly regret it in the morning, but for the moment he could just hold her and comfort her.

He kissed the top of her head and just held her. The feel of her against him was comforting and he tried not to enjoy it too much, knowing that she was likely to keep him at a bit more of a distance in the morning to make up for this display of emotion. He could deal with that when it happened though.

[starchilde_lost]

She let herself be folded into his arms, warm and safe and she tried to bury all the doubt and worry she couldn't stop feeling. She could enjoy this, she could. She'd managed it with Korvus (until she'd been ripped away from him), she could manage it here. Part of her needed to, needed to dins some kind of ground to stand on. Maybe even consider putting some roots down instead of living here like she expected to be gone the next day.

People lived here for years and years and never saw home.

"I don't know how you're putting up with me." She buried her face in his chest. She really didn't know.

[likesthestooges]

"You do wear very nice outfits," he teased, hoping the joke would ease some of the tension. He could feel her relaxing though, which he took as a good sign. If she didn't pull away soon he imagined that she might just stay like this for a while, which was encouraging.

"But I think you're worth it."

[starchilde_lost]

"Should have seen me dance in it, they have some really good music at that club." She managed a weak smile, finally looking up at him. He damn near took her breath away sometimes, wasn't fair at all.

Rising on her toes, she gave him another kiss. It was the best she had to offer right then. An apology and silent promise to do better. "So are you. Worth it, I mean. In case I forget to say that later, you're worth it. Worth more than me, but I guess that means I'm trading up."

[likesthestooges]

Aidan wanted to ask her what she meant by the fact that he was worth it. Worth starting a relationship? Worth putting up with the frustrating feelings? He wanted to ask but wasn't sure he wanted to get into that conversation just yet. Rachel wasn't completely sober and part of him still thought that had something to do with all of this.

"I don't think you're the one trading up," he said, pressing his forehead to hers before running his fingers through her hair. "And dancing, huh? I thought you were just a bartender there..."

[starchilde_lost]

She poked a finger into his side and laughed. "You know darn well it wasn't that kind of dancing, Mister. They have a good jazz club and I might have cut a bit of rug. Something else you should have been there for."

She turned her face up to his and closed her eyes at the feel of his fingers through her hair. Everything felt better. She'd probably regret a great deal in the morning, but Aidan had a way of making her not care now. Well, Aidan and the drinks she'd had. She liked to think it was mostly him.

[likesthestooges]

"Not as enticing as the other kind of dancing, but good enough to get me to go sometime with you," he said with a laugh. Aidan was getting to like dancing more and more now that it wasn't all about trying not to eat the other person.

"Just for... reference. How drunk are you right now?"

[starchilde_lost]

"Not as drunk as I was when I made the decision to come here." Opening her eyes, she looked up at him, curious, but not so much that she'd pull away to really get a good look at him. She'd sobered up quite a bit on the walk, but was still a little tipsy. "I can probably walk a line, more or less. I'm probably being a lot more blunt than I ought to be. Why?"

[likesthestooges]

"Just trying to figure out how much of this you're going to regret saying tomorrow."

Rachel has never lead him on, she's never hinted that she's wanted more then freaked out when she got it. She's been perfectly clear at every point about what she wants at that moment and what she's comfortable. All the same, the fact that she's confessing this when drunk worried him and made him a bit wary about being pleased with this information.

[starchilde_lost]

"I have no idea. But I'm kinda hoping none of it?"

She hoped. She really hoped because she didn't know if she had the guts to have this discussion again entirely sober. She was convinced that she wasn't having the feelings because she was drunk, she was just able to talk about it.

"Because I don't know if I can do this again, I don't know that I won't chicken out, and I want you to know how I feel. That I feel."

[likesthestooges]

"So what, exactly, are you doing?" Aidan asked.

Yes, she had confessed her feelings to him, but they were feelings that they both kind of knew she had all along. He wanted to be clear on the significance of this before he started making assumptions.

"I just... want to be clear."

[starchilde_lost]

Rachel sighed and wound her arms behind his neck so she could pull him closer. Looking into his eyes she took another deep breath. "I am telling you, Aidan McCollin, that I want to be your girlfriend. That I care about you in all those silly ways they talk about in sappy love songs and it still scares me, but so much that I'm running away from it anymore."

She tilted her head a little and held up a finger. "I'm also letting you know I'm staying here tonight because it's late and I am not walking all the way back to my place after this. I'll couch it if I've completely freaked you out, but I'm really kinda hoping you take me to bed because I've missed you all night and I want to make up for that." She had no idea if that made things any clearer. She wasn't really the best at romantic gestures or admitting that kind of thing at all and she was making a total mess of it wasn't she?

[likesthestooges]

Aidan smiled and leaned in to kiss her, hoping that was enough to quell her fears at least temporarily. Besides, she always seemed to be more comfortable with actions than with words so this way he didn't risk saying anything that would freak her out.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch," he reassured her, grinning as he gave her another small kiss.

[starchilde_lost]

Oh, there was a relief. He seemed to get it. Or at least he was pretending to until he thought she was sober enough to explain it rationally.

Which would never happen because she was about as good at articulating her feelings as the rest of her paternal relatives which was to say... not very.

Giving him another kiss, something that frankly never got old to her, she let out a little giggle, "Good, because explaining to your roommates why I'm sleeping in your living room was going to be a little awkward."

[likesthestooges]

"Come on, let's get to bed then," he said with a grin, leaning forward to carefully pick her up over his shoulder. There was a chance that she was so drunk that she would puke, but he didn't think that she was. At least he hoped not, because he would like to be doing something with a lot more movement than this in a bit.

[starchilde_lost]

"Ak!" Rachel had to clap both of her hands over her mouth to keep from screaming, remembering that yes, Aidan had roommates and yes, they would definitely hear that. If they hadn't heard the whole conversation.

Oh, God, that was going to be embarrassing later.

But she knew better than to struggle and she took the opportunity to ogle her boyfriend's ass a little as he carried her. Either this was his payback for her knocking him off her feet awhile back or she'd have to think of some creative way to pay him back for this. In the meantime, she just decided to enjoy the ride.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan got a firm grip on Rachel's ass, for safety's sake of course, as he carried her into his room. Neither Josh nor Henry had come out to see what was going on so they were either sleeping through it or knew where this was going and were being polite.

"So should I just tuck you in and let you sleep?"

[starchilde_lost]

Oh, now he was being funny. Because that wasn't the kind of picking up once did with one's girlfriend if he really thought he was just going to be tucking her in. Still, didn't mean she wasn't going to tease him a little.

With her best mock-considering face firmly in place she tapped her cheek with a finger and hummed as she waited for him to put her down. "I dunno, I mean, it was a walk from there to here, and I did do some dancing. I am a little tired..."

[likesthestooges]

"Maybe I should just help you get undressed and then into bed," Aidan said, carefully lowering her down onto the bed.

She looked so amazing there, smiling up at him and just waiting. She was a bit of a mess, there was no denying that, but Aidan liked that about her. Rachel should have been much, much more of a mess than she was but she had come through some terrible stuff a better person. That was something he admired and was a little jealous of.

[starchilde_lost]

Still smiling, Rachel sagged a finger in the collar of his shirt to pull him down with her. "I can't think of a single part of that sentence I can disagree with." After all, he hadn't said anything about sleeping and suddenly, she really wasn't tired at all.

She was definitely taking him to the club next time she want when she wasn't working. And after, they were going back to her place where she didn't have to worry about waking up any roommates.

[likesthestooges]

"Any... extra instructions you want to add?" Aidan asked, allowing himself to be pulled down until he could kiss along her neck. Her skin was soft and he could taste the salt of her sweat and was suddenly very sad that he had missed her dancing at the club. It may not have been on a pole, but she looked good enough in her outfit that didn't matter.

[starchilde_lost]

"Mmmmm, lemme think." Which was going to get harder to do so long as she could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck as he kissed her. Damn him for having that effect on her. Or, you know, not because she had to admit, she really did like it when he did it.

Pulling at the hem of his shirt she snickered as she ran her hand up and under it, sliding over his very sexy abs. "I think maybe you naked and in bed with me is definitely a requirement."