starchilde_lost | papa don't preach

Rachel didn't think she'd ever been so happy to have the flu in her life. Because it was the flu, hitting her hard after a week - almost two - of teasing with exhaustion and intermittent nausea, worrying enough to have her heading out to a drugstore for a pregnancy test. A test that had failed spectacularly, according to the test she'd had done later at the clinic which told her, definitively, that she was not pregnant. Nope, not in the least, despite the evil colored stick she'd ended up with at home. If there were an actual manufacturer she could sue for emotional stress, she might have done it, even in this ghost version of New York. False positive her ass, more like false nightmare-inducing panic attack.

But here she was, a couple days later, curled up on her couch with a heating pad, a mug of chamomile-ginger-something tea, and a remote control, flipping across TV channels while working her way through a third box of Kleenex. The apartment was a mess, there were take-out boxes everywhere, her entire body felt like it was in revolt, but for the moment, she was glad for it.

Because there was no way in hell she was ready to have that conversation with her boyfriend. Not now, and not ever.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

likesthestooges

"Oh."

Aidan felt himself deflate, tension he didn't even realize he was holding relax out of his muscles. It was a false-positive, no pregnancy. No family, at least for right now. Aidan had to admit that a part of him, a large part, was disappointed. While having a child was definitely something they should plan for, if they ever got to that point, he wouldn't have been unhappy with a surprise one.

"That's... good."

From:

starchilde_lost

Oh, Rachel did not like that look on his face. Not one bit. Not if it meant what she thought it did and she really hoped she was wrong about that part. Setting the soup aside, she crossed her arms over the back of the sofa so she could watch him closer.

"You don't sound like that's good. Do you... do you want kids?"

From:

likesthestooges

"I-"

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment to think. Did he want kids?

Aidan did. He wanted to have kids and a family again, but he couldn't always separate the pure motives from the selfish, messed up ones. Times with his family, with children, were easily the best times of his life. Even on the island with Martha and Alfie had been all but blissful. Also, family meant humanity to him, a way for him to hold on to that.

"I... had a family the first time I was human. I've always liked kids and a part of me, a large part of me, wants to have kids again. In the right situation and circumstances."

From:

starchilde_lost

"You mean here on the island, you want kids here on the island. Someday." Rachel tried, really hard, not to sound incredulous at the idea. She should have known, really, she should have realized, but she was so happy living in the now with him that she just pushed aside the idea of anything that was a someday.

But she couldn't push this away. She couldn't forget it, or pretend she wasn't hearing it, because she was. And she didn't know how to break it to him that the last thing she EVER wanted to do on this island was bring a kind into it.

From:

likesthestooges

"This is the only place I'll ever get to have kids again," he pointed out. That wasn't an option for vampires back home, there was no way for him to have kids of his own outside of having them on the island.

"But that doesn't mean I should. Or that it's the right thing to do."

THAT was a hard truth to admit. What kind of father would he be? He want even very good at being human. "I take it you don't want children?"

From:

starchilde_lost

"Not here." Never here. Maybe not even back home when she thought about it. Things were such a mess back there, too, and only getting worse if the comics were to be believed.

The hell of it was, she thought Aidan would make a great father. He was patient, nurturing, protective, just about everything her own father hat been. She was the broken link in that equation. Pulling her arms off the back of the sofa she played with the blanket covering her legs. "I won't have kinds where it's guaranteed that one or both parents are going to disappear. I get why people-" Like Aidan. "-would want to try, but I'm not that person. And... I never will be."

From:

likesthestooges

Aidan started to open his mouth to argue. Everyone's parents were all guaranteed to die, whether it was in a few days or in a few centuries, but it was going to happen to everyone. He knew what she was saying though. Putting a child through that would be horrible. The parents wouldn't remember them when they went home but the child left behind would. It was rather selfish.

"I understand," he finally said. "And you're probably right. It would be... selfish to plan for it. Maybe that's why in some ways an accident or an... adoption seems ideal."

From:

starchilde_lost

She'd been the child, learning of the death of a parent, and she wouldn't do that to a kid. Not intentionally and having a kid, accidentally or on purpose would be very intentionally hurting them indeed. She wasn't even sure she'd take the adoption option, because wasn't that more of the same? Not only had a kid already lost one set, but was primed to lose another? Other families could adopt, she... nope. She was really hoping she wouldn't be here long enough for that to become an issue.

But how did she say that to Aidan when he had that look on his face? "Yeah, I... I guess." She was a wimp.

From:

likesthestooges

"But not for you," he said, not missing the hesitation in her voice. It wasn't something that they needed to keep discussing at the moment, especially not with her sick and him so emotional after finding the pregnancy test. They probably shouldn't wait too much longer to really discuss it, but now wasn't the time.

"And that's fine. I can respect that," he promised her. Aidan wouldn't push her to change her mind or hold it over her head. He knew that deep down, it was the right choice to make.

From:

starchilde_lost

"I'm sorry Aidan, I just..." She faltered, shaking her head. It was so hard to explain and she knew he understood loss, but he had this well of hope and enthusiasm she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to match. She'd been beaten down so many times and she kept getting up, but it was harder and harder every time.

Reaching for the tissues she blew her nose, still struggling for the words. "Family isn't something I can just... do."

From:

likesthestooges

"You don't have to apologize," he told her. "Not for something you believe in, not for doing what you believe is right."

Not that it didn't hurt or disappoint him a little. If she had wanted a family it would have been so easy to agree with that choice and not think about it. He did need to think about it though, even though the ultimate answer would probably be that it was a bad idea to have a family here.

From:

starchilde_lost

She nodded, not sure what this meant for them. She didn't want to lose him, but she wasn't going to have a family just to make some guy happy. Getting close to him, to Doc, to Gabrielle, that was enough for her, kids... she wasn't doing that to kids.

Tossing the used tissue in the nearby basket, she fell silent, not really knowing what happened next. It was a conversation she hadn't wanted to have, she was really hoping he'd just chalk everything up to the flu she had so she could pretend this had never happened.

From:

likesthestooges

"Hey," he said, moving over to the couch and sitting down, wrapping his arms around her. "Don't worry about this. You're not pregnant, that's a very good thing."

It was. He knew that it was even if he didn't want to really believe it. This was something he needed to face and admit to whether he wanted to or not.

"You just rest and let me hold your hair back if you start to puke."

From:

starchilde_lost

"Very good thing." A wonderful thing. A holy crap she should go out and party thing. Except for the flu thing which made her just sink into Aidan's arms like a fevered rag doll.

"Pretty sure the puking part's over, but then I haven't been eating much today so..."

From:

likesthestooges

"Once you're better, we'll go out and celebrate," he promised, pulling her closer to him and holding her close for the moment. This was a good thing. As unpleasant as the conversation was, it would have been worse had she actually been pregnant, he knew that.

"Drinking. Roller coasters. Smoke cigars. Paint a room. All the things you shouldn't do when pregnant."

From:

starchilde_lost

Snuffling, she huddled even closer to him, probably not the wisest if she didn't want him sick, too, but she needed to be held. All the fear and frustration from the last few weeks had built up and she hadn't been able to do anything about it. And now, well, now she had another worry. No matter what Aidan said, she'd seen his face and while she couldn't read his mind she knew there was a piece of him, that piece that embraced everything about his newly returned humanity, that wanted a family someday.

And she was terrified that he'd either bury that for her sake and end up resenting her for it, or leave her because of it. Neither option made her happy. But denial and repression were part of her genes so she pushed it away.

"Where the hell are you going to find a roller coaster on the island, McCollin?"

From:

likesthestooges

"I don't know. Too bad we can't go to Coney Island," he said. That would actually have been a lot of fun, not that there wasn't a lot to do in New York still.

"But I think you at least deserve a day at the spa and a night out with your boyfriend that isn't about a dead body, drunkenness, or talks you'd rather not have."

From:

starchilde_lost

"Mmmmm, spa. Mani-pedi. Full-body massage. Don't make promises like that, babe, I might move in there." She could make jokes. She could push it away and when he left she'd freak out again. She could do that.

From:

likesthestooges

"What, you don't think I wouldn't join you there?" he said, smiling at her as he kissed the top of her head again. They were definitely going to a spa when she was better if she was this excited about the idea of it.

From:

starchilde_lost

"Feel the need for some pampering, babe?" Not that she was all that surprised, Aidan was having a crappy-ass month, too. Maybe she should skip New Year's and spend the night relaxing at a spa instead.

From:

likesthestooges

"I have to work to keep this flawless complexion now. It's rough being a human," he joked. He would gladly take any and all bodily limitations in exchange for his humanity. Part of that was what made humanity so beautiful.

From:

starchilde_lost

"Tell me that when you get this flu." She reached for her kleenex and blew her nose for what felt like the five thousandth time. Something else that hurt, her nose. Her head, her stomach, her entire body...

From:

likesthestooges

"That's alright, you look plenty rough for the both of us," he told her, grinning just a bit. She was miserable, but he knew that she was glad it was just the flu and not anything else.

From:

starchilde_lost

"Remind me to hit you when I have enough strength to." She snuggled closer and closed her eyes. At this point, if he didn't move soon, she might fall asleep on him. He was warm and... snuggly and she'd had her argument discussing thing and she wanted to forget it again as long as she could.

From:

likesthestooges

"I'll be sure to do that," he said, sighing happily at the feel of her pressing even closer to him. It was comforting, after the rough few moments that they'd had. He had no intention of moving for a while.