in the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost [Aidan]

[starchilde_lost]

Her sleep was, unsurprisingly, filled with nightmares and anxiety. The kinds of dreams she hadn't had in months where family accused her of letting them die and scores of enemies waited in the shadows to tear what little happiness she had apart. She ran through cemeteries and camps and ruined school halls and all the while she knew there was no hope, there was nothing she could do. She would awake, disoriented, crying and afraid and the only thing that kept her grounded was the feel of warm arms around her.

Aidan didn't leave. Every time she woke up he was there, even if she was pretty sure he was asleep, he was still there. And not once did she wake up thinking he was anyone else. It surprised the hell out of her, she thought at least once she'd think she was back on the Jammer with Korvus, but nope, she always knew it was him. She was glad for it, too even if she didn't want to think about why that was too much.

Eventually, she gave up on sleep, lying awake and watching the sun spill through the windows. At some point she'd need to get up, take a shower, eat something, but right now she just snuggled back against the warm body in her bed, glad it was there. Glad he was there.

Comments

[likesthestooges]

Aidan slept better than Rachel, although it wasn't entirely peaceful. She continually tossed and turned, but he didn't mind. Each time he was forced closer to consciousness, he pressed closer and made sure that an arm was wrapped around her, holding her close and just being a solid presence there.

Sometimes, when he didn't think it would wake her, he'd whisper reassurances to her. No false platitudes or Hallmark sentiments, just letting her know that someone was there for her and cared for her. Reminding her that it wasn't her fault and that she shouldn't blame herself.

When he finally woke up, the sun had already risen and Rachel was awake next to him. He half thought she might have been gone when he woke up, remembering how the last time they had spent the night together she wasn't comfortable waking up with him next to her. Entirely different circumstances, but still he had wondered.

"How you feeling?" he asked, snuggling up closer to her and breathing deeply.

[starchilde_lost]

"Tired." Wrung-out, hung out to dry, exposed, shredded, Aidan could take his pick, but what it really boiled down to was tired. She'd slept, but she felt like she'd run a marathon. So instead focusing on that, she focused on him. The warmth at her back, the slight tickle of breath on her neck, obscured slightly by hair that was getting way too long again. She found his fingers around her waist and covered them with her own, holding them loosely.

[likesthestooges]

"Anything you have to get up for at the moment?" he asked. He had no pressing need or desire to move just at the moment. Maybe she could just lay here and relax for a bit in his arms and feel at least a little refreshed.

"Because I don't have anything really pressing."

[starchilde_lost]

"Don't think so." She turned in his arms to snuggle against his chest a little. It wasn't so much that she had things to do, it was a reality she had to face. And she knew she'd get over it, sooner or later, she just needed... a little time. She needed to wallow a little before moving on.

"Thank you for staying. I really didn't want to wake up alone."

[likesthestooges]

Aidan reached up to run his fingers through her hair as soothingly as he could, just letting her rest against him. He liked this feeling of usefulness, of being needed even in a small capacity like this. It made him feel more human, because no one needed a monster for comfort.

"I just want you to know, consider yourself having a... standing invitation for this, okay? You ever don't want to be alone just let me know and I'll be here. No questions. I'll even leave my window open for you if you want."

[starchilde_lost]

Oh, that felt nice, the whole thing felt... good in a way that was quickly getting tangled up in everything else she felt for Aidan. Which was something she still hadn't sorted out yet. Or maybe ever would. But that wasn't important now. Relevant maybe, but not important.

"Open-window policy, huh?" She chuckled, "Gotta be careful with those. Might get tempted to abuse it for something else." Right now, it was the only sort of lame joke she could manage, but it was better than nothing, right?

[likesthestooges]

"If that's what you need, we'll cross that bridge when we get there," he said with a chuckle, doing his best to take the joke in the nature that it was given. He'd leave the ball in her court in that matter, it wasn't something that either of them probably needed to discuss right now.

"But anything you need, let me know. Losing family hurts. A lot."

[starchilde_lost]

She tried not to tense up at the mention of what had happened and failed, instinct completely overriding her good sense. Maybe she had thought that if she didn't talk about it, she could pretend it didn't happen. Like it was just another nightmare she had. She was a Summers, wasn't she? She was supposed to be good at that compartmentalizing and repression crap. But in the end, when it came to family... no contest.

"I need to not think, I need to forget what I saw." She didn't know how to do that, did he?

[likesthestooges]

"You can't forget," he said, continuing to run his fingers through her hair. He had felt her tense up when he mentioned losing her family, but Aidan did know that not talking about it wasn't the way to get through it.

"The more you try and forget, the more guilty you feel about it. So you grieve, and you move on with your life. And sometimes when you remember it hits you so hard you just drop to your knees and weep. The next time you go longer and you don't cry so hard. Eventually, the memories don't cripple you anymore. The good thing though, is that the good memories... the good memories never make you less happy."

[starchilde_lost]

"Memories." Rachel could see herself crying a lot over the next few days. Mostly in private, hopefully in private. She really didn't need to be having any more public breakdowns.

Maybe she should just have Aidan go with her everywhere, get him to run his fingers through her hair all day because that really felt good. Relaxing. Grounding. Raising her face to his, she gave him a soft kiss. "Thank you. I know I said it before, but really. Thanks."

[likesthestooges]

The kiss surprised him, but he knew that it really shouldn't. It was a nice gesture to thank him for staying with her all night. To be honest, Aidan was glad to do it, happy to give what little comfort he could to someone who had been through so much.

"Anytime. I mean that, Rachel."

[starchilde_lost]

She didn't know what she was thinking, except that she knew it might stop her from thinking, from feeling and right now that was more appealing than anything else. So she kissed him again, hoping he'd kiss her back. Hoping that rule he'd made about not sleeping with her after their first date had run out and that he he still wanted her. Hoping that he could make her feel something more than the pain.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan knew what she wanted when she kissed him again. If this had been under different circumstances, he wouldn't have given in. But they had been together before and were heading down that road again. This wasn't taking advantage of her, it was offering comfort. Maybe not the healthiest way or what was ultimately best for her, but in a way he could definitely give her something right now.

He pulled her close, kissing her back with patient need as he enjoyed the feel of her against him.

[starchilde_lost]

She had a moment when she thought he'd pull away, when she was afraid that he'd try for some strange nobility and push her back, but when he pulled her close she was able to breathe a sigh of relief. He did still want her and she needed this right now. If it caused problems later, she'd deal with it later, but right now she just gave a desperate moan and kissed him harder, lining her body up against his. She was acutely aware and glad that she'd gone to sleep in just her underwear and tank-top and she could feel the warmth of him through it all, taking one of his hands and guiding it to her hip.

"I want you, Aidan. I wanted you after the picnic." The words tumbled against his lips, low and indistinct. She wasn't really thinking about it, just feeling her way through it, trying to sort out the jumble that was inside her.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan let out a low groan as she shifted the position of her body, moving closer and guiding his hand on her body. She felt good, soft skin and strong muscle with wonderful curves.

"I know," he said, kissing her more heatedly and passionately. As much as he was unsure before, his body was warming up to the notion. The fact that he had spent the night pressed against her, wearing nothing but his boxers, certainly helped put him in the mood.

"I wanted you during the picnic."

[starchilde_lost]

That admission made her groan again, nipping at his lips as she felt her heart hammer. Her own hands started their own exploration, sliding over a hip and cupping his ass. How different could that afternoon had gone, she wondered. "You were the one with the rope, shame you didn't use it."

Rachel hitched her leg over his hip, chuckling a little as she pressed herself as close to him as she could. It was all downhill from her, she couldn't stop the rush if she wanted to and she didn't even want to try. Her grief was receding, buried in the haze of desire and that was good enough for her.

[likesthestooges]

He liked how he could make her react, especially knowing how reluctant she usually was to do something like this. The fact that he could make her sent a thrill through him. Aidan wanted her badly.

"Waiting was the right thing to do," he said, biting along her neck and shoulders as his hands moved along her back to undo her bra.

"And it's not too late to tie you up. But your touch... god it makes me hard."

[starchilde_lost]

"Later." The idea was as tempting as it was surprising, but that was the effect he seemed to have on her. Reckless and erotic all at the same time. Each little bite he gave sent a thrill through her and the memory of the first night they spent together came back with a vengeance. Hers wasn't the only touch that had a significant effect it seemed.

And they certainly weren't waiting now, were they? She could feel her body reacting to every touch and caress and with sly grin, she pulled away enough to grab the bottom of her tank top and pull it off her head to make it easier for him to do whatever it was he wanted to do to her.

[likesthestooges]

"Have I ever told you how hot you are?" he asked, sliding a hand up and squeezing her breasts. He loved how athletic she was, how her body felt against his. Aidan had thought of this since that night, about what it would be like to be with her again, especially when they were both more comfortable with what they were doing.

"Or how much I've thought about this? Answer to both questions is... a lot."

[starchilde_lost]

She thought she could stand to hear more, listening to him tell her how much he wanted her. But he had his hands on her body, teasing breasts with tight and aching nipples and what she wanted was more of that. More of him.

Rachel's hand slid down his chest, fingers teasing the band of his boxers before she slid it over the front of them, thrilled by what she felt inside. "I always regretted making you leave, that night, kinda kept wondering what if, you know..." She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his neck, nipping softly with her teeth. There was something she didn't understand between them, something hungry, something she wanted to explore. "Don't leave me again, okay?"

[likesthestooges]

Any other time, the words "don't leave me again" might have scared him. That sounded a lot like a request for something more than just giving comfort when she was upset. Normally, it would have made him step back and assess the situation but in the heat of the moment, with her hands inside of her boxers and her body pressed against him he couldn't bring himself to care that much just at the moment.

"I'll stay as long you want," he promised, fingers pinching her nipples as he spoke, remembering all the little things that she liked. Speaking of which, one hand slid around and up her back to grip her hair, gently pulling on it to tip her head up to give him better access to her neck.

[starchilde_lost]

"Oh, Aidan..." She moaned softly, the ache in her center intensifying as he pinched and pulled at her. Rachel's skin felt over-sensitive, each tweak made her want to gasp in pleasure. There was nothing but that anymore, she was lost in the physical and it felt great.

She could feel his hardness in her hand as she started to stroke him and she remembered, oh, God how she remembered how it felt inside her. His hard body against her, lips and teeth closed on her skin. Reaching down again, she started to pull his boxers off, wanting him bare against her.

[likesthestooges]

For a moment there was a catch in his movements as she began stroking him, temporarily distracted by how good it felt. He shifted a bit so that she could get his boxers off and remove any further interference between their bodies.

"I need you," he said between kisses, as if that wasn't already obvious to her. Aidan wanted her to hear it though, so that she knew this wasn't just some offer to help her feel better or that it was even remotely one sided on her end.

[starchilde_lost]

"Me, too." She slid her own underwear off, kissing him hard as she pressed herself against him. She needed him, in ways she was only beginning to understand and right now, this was the only way she could think to show it. "Need you to take me." She went back to stroking him, wanting to drive him wild, knowing it would be that much hotter if they lost control.

[likesthestooges]

That request was one that he was more than happy to comply with. She already had him badly wanting her and on the edge of taking what he wanted but with her saying it like that as she stroked him, it was impossible to resist.

Turning quickly, he rolled her onto her back and pinned her hands loosely above her head. Aidan kissed her hard and ground his hips down against her in a demonstration of just how bad he wanted her.