in the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost [Aidan]

[starchilde_lost]

Her sleep was, unsurprisingly, filled with nightmares and anxiety. The kinds of dreams she hadn't had in months where family accused her of letting them die and scores of enemies waited in the shadows to tear what little happiness she had apart. She ran through cemeteries and camps and ruined school halls and all the while she knew there was no hope, there was nothing she could do. She would awake, disoriented, crying and afraid and the only thing that kept her grounded was the feel of warm arms around her.

Aidan didn't leave. Every time she woke up he was there, even if she was pretty sure he was asleep, he was still there. And not once did she wake up thinking he was anyone else. It surprised the hell out of her, she thought at least once she'd think she was back on the Jammer with Korvus, but nope, she always knew it was him. She was glad for it, too even if she didn't want to think about why that was too much.

Eventually, she gave up on sleep, lying awake and watching the sun spill through the windows. At some point she'd need to get up, take a shower, eat something, but right now she just snuggled back against the warm body in her bed, glad it was there. Glad he was there.

Comments

[likesthestooges]

"You can't forget," he said, continuing to run his fingers through her hair. He had felt her tense up when he mentioned losing her family, but Aidan did know that not talking about it wasn't the way to get through it.

"The more you try and forget, the more guilty you feel about it. So you grieve, and you move on with your life. And sometimes when you remember it hits you so hard you just drop to your knees and weep. The next time you go longer and you don't cry so hard. Eventually, the memories don't cripple you anymore. The good thing though, is that the good memories... the good memories never make you less happy."

[starchilde_lost]

"Memories." Rachel could see herself crying a lot over the next few days. Mostly in private, hopefully in private. She really didn't need to be having any more public breakdowns.

Maybe she should just have Aidan go with her everywhere, get him to run his fingers through her hair all day because that really felt good. Relaxing. Grounding. Raising her face to his, she gave him a soft kiss. "Thank you. I know I said it before, but really. Thanks."

[likesthestooges]

The kiss surprised him, but he knew that it really shouldn't. It was a nice gesture to thank him for staying with her all night. To be honest, Aidan was glad to do it, happy to give what little comfort he could to someone who had been through so much.

"Anytime. I mean that, Rachel."

[starchilde_lost]

She didn't know what she was thinking, except that she knew it might stop her from thinking, from feeling and right now that was more appealing than anything else. So she kissed him again, hoping he'd kiss her back. Hoping that rule he'd made about not sleeping with her after their first date had run out and that he he still wanted her. Hoping that he could make her feel something more than the pain.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan knew what she wanted when she kissed him again. If this had been under different circumstances, he wouldn't have given in. But they had been together before and were heading down that road again. This wasn't taking advantage of her, it was offering comfort. Maybe not the healthiest way or what was ultimately best for her, but in a way he could definitely give her something right now.

He pulled her close, kissing her back with patient need as he enjoyed the feel of her against him.

[starchilde_lost]

She had a moment when she thought he'd pull away, when she was afraid that he'd try for some strange nobility and push her back, but when he pulled her close she was able to breathe a sigh of relief. He did still want her and she needed this right now. If it caused problems later, she'd deal with it later, but right now she just gave a desperate moan and kissed him harder, lining her body up against his. She was acutely aware and glad that she'd gone to sleep in just her underwear and tank-top and she could feel the warmth of him through it all, taking one of his hands and guiding it to her hip.

"I want you, Aidan. I wanted you after the picnic." The words tumbled against his lips, low and indistinct. She wasn't really thinking about it, just feeling her way through it, trying to sort out the jumble that was inside her.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan let out a low groan as she shifted the position of her body, moving closer and guiding his hand on her body. She felt good, soft skin and strong muscle with wonderful curves.

"I know," he said, kissing her more heatedly and passionately. As much as he was unsure before, his body was warming up to the notion. The fact that he had spent the night pressed against her, wearing nothing but his boxers, certainly helped put him in the mood.

"I wanted you during the picnic."

[starchilde_lost]

That admission made her groan again, nipping at his lips as she felt her heart hammer. Her own hands started their own exploration, sliding over a hip and cupping his ass. How different could that afternoon had gone, she wondered. "You were the one with the rope, shame you didn't use it."

Rachel hitched her leg over his hip, chuckling a little as she pressed herself as close to him as she could. It was all downhill from her, she couldn't stop the rush if she wanted to and she didn't even want to try. Her grief was receding, buried in the haze of desire and that was good enough for her.

[likesthestooges]

He liked how he could make her react, especially knowing how reluctant she usually was to do something like this. The fact that he could make her sent a thrill through him. Aidan wanted her badly.

"Waiting was the right thing to do," he said, biting along her neck and shoulders as his hands moved along her back to undo her bra.

"And it's not too late to tie you up. But your touch... god it makes me hard."

[starchilde_lost]

"Later." The idea was as tempting as it was surprising, but that was the effect he seemed to have on her. Reckless and erotic all at the same time. Each little bite he gave sent a thrill through her and the memory of the first night they spent together came back with a vengeance. Hers wasn't the only touch that had a significant effect it seemed.

And they certainly weren't waiting now, were they? She could feel her body reacting to every touch and caress and with sly grin, she pulled away enough to grab the bottom of her tank top and pull it off her head to make it easier for him to do whatever it was he wanted to do to her.

[likesthestooges]

"Have I ever told you how hot you are?" he asked, sliding a hand up and squeezing her breasts. He loved how athletic she was, how her body felt against his. Aidan had thought of this since that night, about what it would be like to be with her again, especially when they were both more comfortable with what they were doing.

"Or how much I've thought about this? Answer to both questions is... a lot."

[starchilde_lost]

She thought she could stand to hear more, listening to him tell her how much he wanted her. But he had his hands on her body, teasing breasts with tight and aching nipples and what she wanted was more of that. More of him.

Rachel's hand slid down his chest, fingers teasing the band of his boxers before she slid it over the front of them, thrilled by what she felt inside. "I always regretted making you leave, that night, kinda kept wondering what if, you know..." She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his neck, nipping softly with her teeth. There was something she didn't understand between them, something hungry, something she wanted to explore. "Don't leave me again, okay?"

[likesthestooges]

Any other time, the words "don't leave me again" might have scared him. That sounded a lot like a request for something more than just giving comfort when she was upset. Normally, it would have made him step back and assess the situation but in the heat of the moment, with her hands inside of her boxers and her body pressed against him he couldn't bring himself to care that much just at the moment.

"I'll stay as long you want," he promised, fingers pinching her nipples as he spoke, remembering all the little things that she liked. Speaking of which, one hand slid around and up her back to grip her hair, gently pulling on it to tip her head up to give him better access to her neck.

[starchilde_lost]

"Oh, Aidan..." She moaned softly, the ache in her center intensifying as he pinched and pulled at her. Rachel's skin felt over-sensitive, each tweak made her want to gasp in pleasure. There was nothing but that anymore, she was lost in the physical and it felt great.

She could feel his hardness in her hand as she started to stroke him and she remembered, oh, God how she remembered how it felt inside her. His hard body against her, lips and teeth closed on her skin. Reaching down again, she started to pull his boxers off, wanting him bare against her.

[likesthestooges]

For a moment there was a catch in his movements as she began stroking him, temporarily distracted by how good it felt. He shifted a bit so that she could get his boxers off and remove any further interference between their bodies.

"I need you," he said between kisses, as if that wasn't already obvious to her. Aidan wanted her to hear it though, so that she knew this wasn't just some offer to help her feel better or that it was even remotely one sided on her end.

[starchilde_lost]

"Me, too." She slid her own underwear off, kissing him hard as she pressed herself against him. She needed him, in ways she was only beginning to understand and right now, this was the only way she could think to show it. "Need you to take me." She went back to stroking him, wanting to drive him wild, knowing it would be that much hotter if they lost control.

[likesthestooges]

That request was one that he was more than happy to comply with. She already had him badly wanting her and on the edge of taking what he wanted but with her saying it like that as she stroked him, it was impossible to resist.

Turning quickly, he rolled her onto her back and pinned her hands loosely above her head. Aidan kissed her hard and ground his hips down against her in a demonstration of just how bad he wanted her.

[starchilde_lost]

There it was, that edge she wanted him on, the one he'd pushed her over before. She'd had sex on the island with someone else, good sex, great sex, but it hadn't felt like this, it hadn't made everything in the room brighter or sharper. Each touch hadn't made her desperate for the next and the next.

Rachel arched beneath his touch, feeling both free and restrained. She could feel him, hard and ready between her legs and she moved back against him, almost whimpering as she gasped out, "Condoms. In the nightstand."

[likesthestooges]

"Fuck, right," Aidan growled, frustrated at himself for forgetting that in the heat of the moment. He let out a laugh though to show her that it wasn't her he was upset with and gave her a quick kiss.

"You make me absolutely lose my mind, you know that?" he asked as he pulled away enough to get one of the condoms and tear it open.

[starchilde_lost]

"Think the feeling's mutual." Rachel ran her hands over his back, loving the feel of his muscles as he moved. He was, easily, one of the sexiest men she'd met on the island and she was glad she had him in her bed. And her life. Not that she was thinking about that as she waited for him to get back to her.

She sat up a little so she could keep her hands on him, leaning to nip at his collarbone, hard enough to leave a mark this time. Something she would hopefully see again soon and remember this.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan growled at her touch, enjoying how they traveled almost lazily over his body, like she was enjoying every inch of him. The nip caused him to hiss in surprise, but he liked it. It felt hard enough that it would leave some sort of mark, which he liked. There was something hot about your lover wanting to leave their mark on you.

Slipping the condom on, Aidan turned around and pushed her back into the bed again, grinning at her as he kissed and nibbled at her neck, giving her a matching mark.

"Now, where were we?"

[starchilde_lost]

She laughed a little at the payback, letting him push her back into the mattress, enjoying the strength he had and the weight of him. She laughed at everything, at them, at her grief, at her life it was all surreal. But right now there was him and there was this and she captured his lips in a hungry kiss as stretched out her lean body against his as she replied, "I think we were somewhere around here."

They were, whatever they were, lovers friends, two people who liked a good romp in the sack.

[likesthestooges]

"I think so," he said, grinning against her mouth before kissing her again, lips crushing hers with need. Aidan wanted her to feel how much he wanted her, how right in that moment she was everything to him and all that he could think about.

As he kissed her, he lined himself up and with an almost agonizing slowness, began to push into her. As needy as he was Aidan didn't want to rush the moment, it was too incredible to not take the time to enjoy the feeling of her around him.

[starchilde_lost]

She was suddenly giddy and lightheaded, kissing him deeply as she ran her hands over his back, wrapping herself in the feel of him. She felt so much in the moment, she couldn't put it to words even if she were in the mood to.

"Aidan..." Her voice was low as she felt him sliding inside her, so slow as to be almost torture. She adjusted, taking him in and shifting her hips, moaning his name against his lips as she felt closer to him than she ever had, or maybe ever would.

[likesthestooges]

Aidan held his breath until he was all the way in her, cock buried deep as his hips pressed against hers. He kissed her softly as he began to rock against her a bit, leaning forward to angle himself so that his length ground against her clit as he did so.

"You're absolutely beautiful," he gasped, lips placing hot, open mouthed kisses along her neck and up to her ear as he pressed against her.